Why do I weep when I watch romance movies?
Maybe it’s because deep down
I believe that it’s not for me
That I can’t want it
That I’m not lovable to the point of someone’s confession
I’m not worth the pain or time that someone needs to take to get to know me
I’m not worth the awkward pauses in between conversation
I’m not worth sleepless nights waiting for a response
I’m not worth taking the risk of being rejected
I’m not worth the waiting and the hurting
I’m not worth taking a leap of faith
I’m not worth being ignored for
I’m not worth fighting for
I’m not worth crying for
I’m not worth it
She’s not worth it
She’s not pretty enough
She doesn’t smile easily
She’s not smart enough
She’s not that exciting
She’s not that stylish
She’s not that interesting
She’s not it
Can a sinful wretch like me dream for this kind of love?
Or is it another thing I must bury at the cross of Christ,
Must I wait in striving and in piety?
Does Jesus know that my heart wrestles with this? And
If he does, what is he doing about it?
Is this world of mine something that he wants to be in? Or does it lack
Christianity?
This thing that moves me
I must confess that
You are not in this crevice of my heart
That is why I still weep
When I see that a man finds a woman worth it
And she isn’t me
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